Renewing the vows with myself
This beginning of spring was all about introspection for me.
I had countless of hours of editing in my studio, so lots of time for reflection.
Questions like “How did I get here ?”, “Why am I doing this ?” ran through my head.
3 weeks into editing and one energy reading later, I realised my payoff “Connect Back to Yourself” is a mantra for me.
I’ve been far from myself for a long time and this portrait business, I finally realise, I do it for myself, to heal myself. If I heal other people in the process, which happens often, I’m double happy. It is quite some realisation!
I was running a business before, that brought me to unexpected places. Places I never thought I could get to, by myself. I was pushing myself so far away out of my comfort zone, that at some moment I drifted away from who I was and it did not feel like fun any more.
For that reason, I feel the need to self analyse, so I know I’m completely happy with what I’m doing, so I don’t get tangled into a ‘not so fun’ situation anymore. If I don’t hear in my head a joyful “hell yes”, I won’t do it. That goes with anything in my life right now.
Does that sound familiar ? Are you asking yourself these questions every year?
It is time to renew my vows with myself and check if everything’s aligned.
I wanted more fun in my life, so I decided to get surrounded by girls and do girlie things, like put on makeup and nice dresses, that’s the most fun I could think of, at that moment. It still is :) connecting to my feminine side and acting from that spot – is what I try to do every day.
I wanted to stop taking things so serious, so I changed my focus from business to personal. I used to do things that you “need to have” and now I do things that are in the “nice to have” category. Eg. I was doing linkedin profile shots before and now I’m doing glamour inspired portraits that will last 100 years, what a shift and it feels so good!
I wanted to connect with people and feel I am part of the community. Being an entrepreneur, it seldom feels like being alone, on an island. So I joined groups of photographers and women, online and offline, eventually I started my own group about self love and body image. The 52 Selfie Challenge. I love it, it’s growing, women post a selfie every week, the love and support of women around is unbelievable. We’re all one, support, help and nurture is what we do best. I will gladly accept you in the group if you like.
I wanted to feel pure, clear in my essence, close to myself. I decided to ditch all the other types of photography I was doing, like events or corporate shoots and concentrate on what I love the most, and that is portraiture, it comes natural to me and it also inspires me. It puts me into this great creative space where I have to think about how am going to photograph you, create mood boards with you, get creative with fabrics, paint canvases, etc.
I wanted to feel joy and connect to my emotional side. Which as a creative person and also a woman, there’s plenty of that going on inside, isn’t there ? But somehow I was ignoring it in my work, trying to be all entrepreneur and masculine about it. I’ve added the “Reveal Wall”, in my portraiture business, a little something that gives me so much joy. To see my clients seeing their photos for the first time, like in a gallery of themselves. It is an emotional experience and deep connection. Through the reveal wall, I let them know that I see them that beautiful, and they start crying. Maybe they haven’t felt that in a while or maybe nobody noticed recently. It is empowering and healing.
…Am I saving the world ? there’s that need that I have in myself too. I know, the Messiah complex, they’re calling it. This took me a long time to figure out. Is it shallow, what I am doing ? I’m not finding any cure for cancer, I’m not feeding any hungry kids. This is what took me longer to realise …absolutely I’m saving the world, one woman at a time. I’m helping women feel beautiful… this is my mission and it is amazing. It lifts me up in the morning knowing that I will make one more woman feel beautiful today.
It is the biggest gift I can give you and I am so happy to do so. If what I’m making for you makes you happy even for a second, my mission is accomplished. I’m doing my little part for the world.
Now that I know what I’m doing is inline with my core values, I know it is going to be satisfying for me, and in turn, for you too. “Do something with the joy of a little child that feeds a hungry duck in the park”, Marshall Rosenberg used to say, the mamnoon energy, life’s too short to give out of any other energy.
.. so my work lately was inwards, now I’m ready to come out and play and with spring here, I’ll be more active socially. I have also finished the clients work that I have had so far, from winter and I am looking forward to the new ones!
Come visit me at my studio! I have open doors for you & free coffee.
Let’s discuss your inner desires for your next photoshoot and see if this is something you would like to do.